82 Comments

  8. Thank you Monica Douglas-Clark for watching and you are most welcome. Oh and I have to say, I am loving your job title!!!! And did I spot something about Barbados as it flashed up? If so, that is my hometown! 🙂

  10. Oh Deirdra Barr I’ve just realised that I’ve done it again. I had a tiny breakfast in case I had to do a blood test, was straight out the door and gone for 3+ hours, and it’s 1.31pm and I’ve had no lunch. I was just on my way to the kitchen when the video called . . . . There really is some weird connection between this food and video thing . . . . . .

  11. Marilyn Devonish. I see you I hear you I feel you. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your wisdom. I personally as a White woman apologise to everyone who is a descendent of an enslaved human being specifically and generally to all black people who are treated differently because of the colour of their skin. I’m ashamed of my forefathers and im ashamed if current day racism. I send love to you all. I wish we were equal. I want it to be so. Any collective racism is NOT IN MY NAME. I denounce it. I want no part of it. If I am part of it unwittingly then I humbly apologise for that too.x

  13. Marilyn I’m in awe of your skill and your humanity. I wish I was as articulate as you are and on a scale of things I consider myself to be quite articulate. How much more unheard unfelt and unseen those with an inability to express themselves clearly must feel. And when we can’t communicate we act out or resort to insults.

  14. Thank you Christine Evans. 🙂 <3 I feel lucky that I found my voice. That was not the case right up until the age of 32, so I know that it is another of those skills that those who feel unheard can learn.

  15. Somthing I learned studying sociology as a mature student with 2 kids on benifits and on the breadline was that the personal is also political and the political is also personal. I came from a housing estate much as you describe. It’s been used by researchers into poverty and inequality. I in my own very small way saw and lived inequality. I saw and lived decent people stigmatised by their address. Saw and lived disaffected youths acting out and insulting authority. Education goes some way towards being an equaliser if only we all had equal access to it. Some say well I didn’t sit on my arse and claim benifits like mist of the other kids from there. I’ve wondered why this is and what made me different. I passed the 11 + and went to grammar school but I was a trouble maker there, bolshy and a skiver. I left with just 2 0 levels. They refused to enter me for the others as I was never there. All my education I’ve done since my 30’s since I’ve grown up lol and I’m still growing.

  16. Christine Evans I grew up on a council estate in South London however it was nothing like those which I later went on to work in, and in many respects we had a lovely community of friends there. I scared of my mother so when some of my friends were getting into trouble and bunking off and bad mouthing the teachers, and playing up to the police who were often there, her line was: “I don’t care what your friends are doing. I am talking about YOU.”

    My sisters and I all grew up on the same estate and went to the same comprehensive school which at the time had a bad reputation. One sister is a Lawyer, another a hot shot Retail Manager, and the other an Accountant. The concept of your postcode or your wayward friends was not going to fly or hold water in our household. I am thankful for that now, however at the time I felt I was missing out on all the fun.

    • Then you were very lucky. My mother in contrast had no idea who I was or what I did. She didn’t see me hear me or feel me. I shared a post from Mr Lawrence urging fathers to be role mothers to their sons. I hope I have been a role model for my daughters. My eldest is a Health visitor in Bristol and has the same values and morals as I have. My youngest has Aspergers syndrome and an eating disorder. They are both works in progress and I love them both dearly and equally. How much can be revealed when we scratch the surfice of each others lives? 💗

    • Oh Christine Evans let me add to that the belief that my mother disliked me intensely. I didn’t feel see or heard at any point during my childhood or teenage years, which largely contributed to the shyness and extreme introversion. So unfortunately I don’t have a ‘happy clappy’ mother story to overlay, it was pure fear.

    • Christine For you to even say the words: “I hope I have been a better role model for my daughters” for me in and of itself answers the question and speaks volumes. One of the sisters now has the ‘problem’ that her kids like her so much they often don’t want to be out of the house and like spending time with her! I have reminded her many times what a testimony this is to motherhood.

    • You suffered Childhood emotional neglect. It’s different to actual abuse but it still affects us all our lives. And the thing is no one ever really gets a sorry or even an acknowledgement from their Mum. And even sadder is that they only behaved that way because they too experienced it in childhood. Another circle within a circle.

    • Oh Marilyn me too. My step father and then a niebour whose wife I had confided in. My mother has never acknowledged it. I tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen. I tried to tell her again in my 30’s. I even said will you not listen to me and she said no I will not.
      Well it was her dirty little secret and not mine. She died last year and I have never felt more free.
      I don’t see why we can’t talk about these things just like we need to talk about racism.
      Love to you.x

    • Ejay Ikonneh. I struggled a bit when you layed into me yesterday. It brought back echoes of trying to do what I thought was the right thing and then being rejected anyway. I just managed to stop myself from being very rude to you. I’m so glad I did because your alright.☺

    • This is a difficult subject it needs to be discussed…I am rarely without contribution to discussions that I feel I’ve read or talked at length to knowledgeable people about and I have done so with this, but it is one where I often feel I should not express anything because quite frankly whatever I say is often dismissed or denigrated because I couldn’t possibly understand (and I accept that is true but I don’t feel that invalidates me wanting to understand) so I came to the conclusion that perhaps it is better I stay out of it, not because I can’t handle conflict but it seems to be pointless.

      Let me give you an example but let me be clear I am absolutely NO way comparing this to racism. I was a member of several vegan forums (I am not a vegan but I’ve had a vegan diet often for long periods, there is a distinction) and I left in disgust because instead of educating or supporting people who were making efforts or small changes in their behaviour or understanding they were often slammed as murderers, selfish, blood thirsty etc. Then the vegans did the “I’m a better vegan than your vegan” thing too creating division and hierarchies within their own ranks.

      It is not the same issue at all, but I’ve seen the same attitudes coming out in discussions which actually could be an opportunity for understanding or cooperation, I’m not talking about sugar coating things either. This issue is UGLY. UGLY. UGLY. As masks are stripped away it’s getting more ugly daily.

      I’d like to see a situation where people can discuss how they are really feeling without this blame and guilt attributed or felt in individuals …if anyone can hold that space I think Marilyn can… Putting it out there being a white privileged woman what do you want to see and hear from “us”? Everyone has battles to fight of all different sorts, everyone has causes they fight, but what practical things can individuals who abhor racism actually do?

      I honestly feel tied in knots sometimes because to do nothing is wrong but certain efforts almost feel patronising. I mean the safety pin campaign? Do I have to declare I’m not a xenophobe to make people feel comfortable in their own country (when I’m an immigrant too!)

      This be honest asking those questions is bloody weird for me because my true friends who are “different” we may discuss these things but we just love each other. I know they are different but I don’t treat them or see them that way. If anything I celebrate and enjoy learning about their heritages. As they do me. I also know they have suffered things I haven’t. But if anyone hurts them I’d absolutely protect them like I would anyone I loved.

      Sorry for the dissertation! My emotions are high…My oldest best friend is married to a black policeman in the US …you can only imagine how this feels for them and I my pain and concern for them.

    • Deirdra Barr I’m not going to let Mandy Collins see your post because she’s been bothering me all day about starting the Marilyn Movement to hold the space for such discussions. I know what you mean. Being pro something doesn’t mean being totally anti it’s counterpart, AND I had that exact same ‘vegan shaming’ conversation last night with a friend.

    • Marilyn, see, echoes my ‘Marilyn Devonish Movement’!! Someone needs to pick this ball up and run with it and you get my vote! I’d stand with you, you know that xx

      Deirdra I agree with a lot of what you have said there. I spent a big chunk of time just crying yesterday because I don’t know where to start or what to do to do my bit to make this right xx

  17. I love the story of the transformation of the gangs and estate residents….well done for standing up and having the courage of your own conviction….I’m sure fir many that is a lifetime memory ❤️

  21. Your story about the racist client, it really shows your true beauty. Most of us would have reacted with indignant anger at her ignorance, and you chose to react with openness and understanding and respect. It was incredibly powerful.

  22. Thank you Deborah Ann Miller. For me I get that people can be a product of their family and so you can’t really blame them for that. The real deal, and where the rubber hits the road, is if someone doesn’t like what they have become, with conscious awakening and awareness, what are they gonna do about it? She chose the open door so it was game on! 😉

  23. Slavery is the oldest human crime in history, slavery lasted alot longer than 72 years, try 1000s of years, and continues to this day, ironically Africa is rife with slavery today, on the apology question, not really sure there is any reason to apologise for something we took no part in, yes we should remember and recognise that it was an appalling period in history, British afro carribean culture is very different to the American afro carribean community, No, no apology needed, just an understanding that this happened it was terrible, but we’re past that by 200 years. But any form of descrimination is apporant, as a disabled person I face descrimination alot in my life, racism works both ways, and its now just a stick to beat down a suppress free debate

  24. Hello again Marilyn Devonish .
    I apologise in advance if people think this is inappropriate or irrelevant or self centred or selfish but I just feel an absolute need to get it out.
    I feel it was very unjust of Ejay Ikonneh to name me personally as the poster girl of white privalidge. On two counts. The first being that I was completely well meaning if a little unaware of certain facts.
    The second is that although on the whole and in contrast to black people white people can be seen as privalidge and I agree with that the fact is that my life has been in no way privalidged on any count. Yes there have been worse childhoods and yes there have been many better both white and black.
    I’ve told you some of my Childhood. I could tell you a lot more but that would be self indulgent in the extreme.
    Jumping on. I was an iv drug user from 15 to 19 years. I left home at 16 because I felt more accepted on the drug scene that at home. I lived with my boyfriend in various bedsits and on various floors. I had a termination at 16 because lord knows what that baby would have suffered had it been born. I hitched to the hospital on my own and got a taxi back which I couldn’t pay for. When I went up to the room the door was open there were drugs and scales all over the floor and John had obviously gone out off his head. He had broken into another chemist and jemmied the dda cabinet off the wall. He also grabbed all the benzos sleepers and everything else that could be abused. Overnight he hid the stash in the garden. We were woken by a police raid early am and he was carted off to the nick and off to prison again. I visited him everyday on remand at horfield hitching each way. A lorry driver attempted to rape me but all I was concerned about was missing the visiting time.
    I loved John very much he was the only person ever in my life that I felt got me. I left him at 19 when he was again in the nick. I was called all sorts of names by our friends for being so heartless but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I knew I had to save myself and John didn’t want to be saved. I went cold turkey with no support from anyone. I haven’t injected since. J still suffer from drinking too much and I can’t trust myself with opiate painkillers as my first thought is to use them to make me feel better emotionally rather than ease any physical pain.
    John died at 42 on the toilet with a needle in his arm. I went to see his mother and wept with her for such a waste of a life. I love him still.

    • I’ve got convictions for shoplifting in that era. It’s not helped every time I have to have crb check for work. I’ve had to do a lot appealing. I’ve fought and worked really really hard to get where I am today and people say to me oh yoh are lucky to have such a nice house. There is no such thing as luck.

    • Yes I know that and I mentioned him so he can read this also. I wanted to share with you simply because I felt you would understand and see me.
      I suppose I want Ejay Ikonneh to apologise for misjudging me for closure. Lol. ☺

    • Christine Evans I want you to understand what I am about to say to you. Your life has been tough and you will have to decide who is responsible for the choices and decisions you make.

      If we were more than fb friends you would have my support.

      For four hundred years evil landed on a community of ppl who lost 400 million ppl on the passage. We were raped, separated, de humanised, lynced, beaten, our babies were thrown in the river to bait and catch alligators, murdered, denied, discriminated against and we as a ppl have not rlsen and decided to wipe out the white race. No instead we ask for repartitions because our ancestors built Britain, built the United States. And even then we are denied yet Japan and the Jews got theirs.

      You mentioned having a termination bcos you didn’t want your child to suffer in a world you co-created. Imagine having children in the evil of slavery lasting 400 years. What do you think the emotional and psychological impact that would have on generations of ppl still denied today. And in 2016 you can still be judge jury and executioner and shoot a black man in the chest point blank 6 times while lying on his back. Or murder a father infront of his girlfriend and 4 year old child.

      Everybody want the facts before deciding if this is a murder, however, the unfortunate killing of 5 cop in the US justice must be served.

      In the court of law ignorance is no defence neither is being nice and using all the wrong words.

      You can take from this that if I for one second thoughts you were evil we would not be talking. It is better to educate ourselves on matters of life and death rather then being nice. Your words make you the poster child which means your words can undo it too. I won’t apologise for saying it because I can still be murdered for being black you won’t for word being used on fb.

    • I’m really scared now of what your reaction will be Ejay Ikonneh.😨 I know there are much bigger and more important fish to fry.
      I’m asking yoh to step outside of the race issue for a moment and just see me as another human being who is hurting. Maybe it was never your intention to hurt me but it was also never my intention to offend you.x

    • I do think that I have tried to put right whatever it is felt I’ve done wrong. I’ve personally apologised publicly for the fact of the atrocities you talk of being carried out by my forefathers. I’ve raised my children to judge everyone on their merits and not their color. My grandaughter unbidden by me has shared the videos of the recent unjust killings and urged her friends not to scroll on by as Black lives matter. I’m doing what I can in my own small limited way. I’m willing to stand up with anyone and be counted. If Marilyn Devonishstarts a campaign or wants me to take part in anything I will be there. I’ve spent a day in a wheelchair just to see what that’s like and I do similar for other races and ethnicities if it helped to draw attention to how differently we are treated.

    • And here in lies the issue Christine Christine Evans I wish I had the choice to step outside race. I wish I could opt out, the second I do that is the second I will be killed. Why because I won’t see it coming. Like I said this is less to do with individual bias and more to do with a system that is 24/7 designed for my failure. I saw a black colleague of mine I haven’t seen in 10 years last nite when I went out for a party. We laughed embraced. He introduced me to his wife and said “this is Ejay the one I was telling you about when we were going through racial discrimination at work for two years. They tired to kill us by stressing us out”

      Your strength lies in what you believe about yourself not what I believe about you.

    • Yes. I know what I believe about myself. It’s being misunderstood that hurts.
      I can’t physically step outside the race issue as much as you can’t but we are both human beings and perfectly capable of discussing somthing on a soul to soul basis.x

    • And if you really believe that the way are lives unfold is all about self responsibility and the choices and decisions we make then you really don’t understand the principle of privilege and inequality and socialisation etc etc. In the words of Maya Angelou do the best you can until you know better and when you know better do better.
      I’m trying to do better.

    • Yes I am Christine Christine Evans I absolutely hear you. You and I have no issues on a soul level which is why I said you are alright. And I have to ask if you are aware of what you believe about yourself what does it matter what I said to a remark I considered to be based on white privilege?

    • Ejay Ikonneh I can’t be right about you as I don’t know you. I’m talking to yoh merely on the basis of an Internet exchange. What I have gathered us that yoh are pretty stubborn and intransigent and that’s ok as it’s part of what makes you you.x

    • Yes I am I guess I am just a product of my environment. Like I said this subject pushes my buttons. I am considered a second class citizen and an immigrant even though I was born here a pay my taxes.

      Look how we are depicted on TV and the big screen.

      If I may share with you Christine you are heart centred and your walls around it is paper thin. You look to the best in all things because you have been judged rightly and unfairly too, you are a hero to your daughter, I get u have two kids for some reason one with masculine energy. You a hero to a lot of ppl and your past pain and trails was a contract you signed before coming into this life. Your survival was based on a clause that you would use your pain and suffering and learnings as a force for good. That is your magic and it is more important than what you describe as my stubbornness and intransigent behaviour namaste xx

    • Masculine energy? Where did you get that? Interesting.
      The youngest is 30 and just diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome thus your post about the autistic lad struck a chord. She also has anorexia and is in an eating disorders unit. I’m interested. What did you mean?

  26. ?? How interesting. Both myself and my daughter have been both Mother and father to our daughters as there are no constant men in our lives. We are both essentially single parents and have to play both roles. When I say no men. I actually mean it. No grandparents my mother was an orphan and my father died 2 months before I was born. Karens father hasn’t even ever sent her a birthday card since I left him when she was three so she has no father either. And you are right I her hero.x

  29. This was never personal Marilyn Devonish it is just my position with regards to the subject of racism. I am choosing to on the request of our Christine to connect on a soul level 😊 I mean look at Deborah Ann she can’t get enough of me. Lol

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