First of all I have no idea how a simple post on facebook led to this blog about slavery, the holocaust and Take That!
A friend, Kal Malik posted something on Facebook this morning which talked about many people saying they were quitting or taking a break from Facebook. He said:
“I see a lot of people wanting to take a break from Facebook. Fair enough.
I want to spend some more time with my beautiful friends. Love you guys.
I hug you, smile at your comments, laughter out loud at your posts, consider your sanity at the pictures I see, cry at your sadness’s, heal your illnesses.
I am blessed to have met many of you and will be blessed to meet many more.
Many of you I have never met, but you are not “Facebook” friends to me.
You are my joys and may your song ever sing in my life”. Kal x
My response was:
Marilyn Devonish When I read your post, it reminded me of the saying: ‘Remember where you’ve come from.’ What I mean by that is, some people will get success and then throw out or abandon the very thing that helped to get them there because they forget and think they’ve done it all themselves. I too have some AMAZING friends on Facebook, many of whom I’ve never met and will possibly never meet, yet their words move me to laughter, tears, or head scratching curiosity. I am also more intertwined with the lives of my actual friends in a way that just didn’t exist or happen prior to 2004bf. Marilyn x
I almost see it like throwing the baby out with the bathwater in that facebook has helped people to raise their profile and get a good following, yet it is the thing they will quit as though it is detrimental to their success or had nothing to do with it.
It reminded me of a weird phenomenon that I first became aware of in a microcosm of 8 hours. The phenomenon where someone would claim that something you assisted them with was all them and that they would have easily done it anyway without you.
The first time it crystalised was an afternoon, sometime in summer 2002. I had just finished a 1-day Breakthrough Session with a client, working on an issues that had plagued them their entire childhood and adult life. We were casually chatting (so they thought) and discussing various things about their life, and family, their sexuality, career, and aspirations for the future. Most of these topics we hadn’t been able to discuss a mere 7 hours earlier. Well we could sort of discuss them, I just couldn’t hear their answers properly through all of the tears, and the impromptu “I can’t go there” silences.
I then asked how they were feeling and whether they had any questions about the process and anything we’d done in that whirlwind of a transformational day, and that it when it happened. That is when the phenomena hit me and hit me hard.
The client sat in front of me, told me bold as brass that they weren’t really feeling any different and that they didn’t think that the day had made much difference or really worked. In my head I was like “What???? Excuse me????? You couldn’t even speak about, much less think about any of these topics when you arrived this morning, yet here you are now, happy, relaxed, neutral, discussing them all as though we were deciding whether to have the peppermint or the ginger tea!”
Of course that isn’t what came out of my mouth; I simply asked what they meant and whether they could clarify.
I then explained that the conversation we’d been having was centred on all of the things we’d been clearing and resolving throughout the day. “Oh, well such and such wasn’t really that big a problem” they exclaimed.
It was at that point I was delighted with my propensity for taking notes. I reached for my notebook and opened the first page of their Session notes: “See here where it says in brackets, client crying?” I asked. “Yes, that is where the mere mention of ‘x’ moved you to tears. And you see here, 3 paragraphs on where it says client still crying, yes, that is where even the thought of it unrepressed still made you cry.” Are you really telling me that wasn’t a problem?”
And that is where the phenomenon became clear. Because it all felt so natural and so easy, no need for forced mantras in the mirror, no need for efforting or beating oneself or your unconscious mind over the head. Because it just felt good and normal, and matter of fact, it was as though nothing had happened, which is exactly what this Breakthrough and TranceFormational work is supposed to be, because of all of this it appeared to them that nothing had changed, because all was as it was supposed to be.
With the advent of social media where you get to see more of people I notice this a lot. People saying ‘I did this and I did that’ with no mention or acknowledgement of the support or help they had in achieving it. Even when asked more directly, sometimes in person about their achievements, it was all still them.
I know that in my life, everything from the books I’ve read to the CD’s and DVD’s I’ve watched and listened to makes up part of that evolution process and the foundation of my life.
Current films making Emmy and Oscar buzz include 12 Years a Slave, Mandela, and Long Walk to Freedom. We also recently had The Help featuring Oprah Winfrey, Forrest Whittaker and Lenny Kravitz. I’ve yet to go and watch them all (I must get my cinema head on) however part of what happens is that more people and often a whole new generation are reminded of the shoulders upon which they stand. They are reminded of the struggles that went before them, of the human and emotional sacrifices that were made. They are reminded that one of the reasons they now sit where they sit or stand where they stand or reside where they reside is because of the work that has gone before them.
And when I say ‘they’ I don’t just mean black people or a particular race or ethnic group, Schindler’s List had a similar impact when it was released back in 1993. It reminded people that many of them were here because of the support, kindness, guidance, and generosity of spirit of other human beings. People that they might now cast aside, not realising the pivotal part that they have played in the foundation and fabric of their life as it is today.
I love music, and use it often during my Coaching and Therapy Sessions, and as I wrote this line of this blog, the song: You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson popped into my head. That spoke of not feeling lonely and thinking you were the only one. In this context, it feels like a reminder that you probably didn’t do everything alone.
I believe that Take That encapsulated that in a song: Never Forget (Where You’re Coming From). The more old fashioned saying would be not throwing baby out with the bath water.
When I speak at events I often have a slide that lists my training qualifications. Not so that people can go ‘wow’, it is so that they can see what stands before them is a product and culmination of many things. I didn’t just go from being quiet and shy and lacking in confidence and suffering from low self esteem, to being the woman who gets excited about doing live radio and TV interviews, all by myself, I had help. Of course with much of it I had to get up and take the action and put things into practice however I had help nonetheless.
And yes, the last course I attended was fabulous, and, it’s fabulousness was more than likely enhanced by the course I did before that and the course I did before that and the course, and the book I read that, and the CD I listened to before that, and the healing session I had before that (I think you get my drift).
Let me also make it clear, I am all for celebrating successes and giving yourself a well deserved pat on the back and a thumbs up when you make progress. All I say is next time you are considering a big abandonment or saying ‘me, me, me’ flip over the ‘m’ for a ‘w’ and give it a bit of ‘we we we’ as well.
Marilyn Devonish
ABOUT MARILYN DEVONISH
Marilyn Devonish is a Freelance Writer, Certified Trainer and Therapist (see the list above!), and an observer and social commentator on life. A believer in creating more happiness, magic, joy, and synchronicities with ease and as part of everyday life, she has been working with both individual clients and corporations seeking change and transformation since the year 2000.
Website: www.tranceformationsTM.com
E-mail: marilyn@tranceformationsTM.com
Magic & Gratitude Programme: www.themagic.eventbrite.com