Now I admit, I might be an old fashioned type of girl who grew up in the time when men stepped forward if they liked a girl and asked her out. The ‘dance card’ era was well before my time however it is that type of ethos, where the man was required to introduce himself properly, make his intentions known, and ask for a dance.
I have recently become aware of a trend or phenomena where otherwise smart, sane and savvy women find themselves rather dazed and confused when it comes to relationships, and whether a man is interested in them or not. I say ‘man’, but I am left feeling that what is being shared with me and observed is more like school boy behaviour and nonsense playground stuff, albeit lacking the friend coming forward to deliver the: “My friend fancies you” line.
I’ve even had someone where a man, after stringing her along for several months slept with her (on just one occasion), and then immediately went back to acting as though nothing had ever happened between them, popping up with a flurry of double entendre text messages every once in a blue moon, then falling back into silence again as soon as the attention was reciprocated. They still however hang on to the hope of a ‘relationship’ with him as they string together the random morsels of attention. I would like to write this off as one crazy guy, however the story in various degrees is not uncommon.
Women are said to find it easier to read emotions. Why then am I meeting so many women who are in this state of confusion given their supposed neurological edge when it comes to such matters?
I think Beyoncé was onto something when she famously sang: ‘If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.’
Now I’m not suggesting that everyone rush out to get engaged, I am talking more metaphorically. Men, if however you like a woman why would you sit back and wait for her to be snapped up by someone else? (Read my previous Blog entitled Life Lessons from a Billionaire to see what media mogul and Founder of CNN Ted Turner had to say on this subject of relationships and claiming your gal).
A song back in the day was Silly Games by Janet Kay. I wonder, is this what I’m seeing or is there more to it than that?
Have men become so jaded and insecure about relationships that they shy away from even the most basic of first steps?
Is it perhaps a game to exert emotional power?
Are women getting the wrong end of a stick that wasn’t even there in the first place and suffering from a state of deep denial where the movie He’s Just Not That Into You would be more appropriate?
Are some men perhaps starved of good female energy, and like the mythical succubus they swoop in occasionally to get their fix?
The general consensus of these conversations seems to be that women would like men step forward and make their intentions clear. Intrigue and romance is all good. Out and out guessing and mind games, not so much.
Is your heart and mind stuck in limbo?
There is a saying that the heart wants what the heart wants. This is true, and when the heart knows that something or someone doesn’t want it, eventually the heart can move on. When however left in a state of limbo, that state of wishing and hoping, the heart gets stuck, almost tethered to this other soul, even when it seems blatantly obvious to the outside observer that one is living in a fantasy, which at its worst is all a complete waste of emotional energy and physical time if the experience isn’t being used as a period of introspection and personal growth.
What I have also seen is the erosion of confidence and self esteem as some women are left wondering what’s wrong with them, or beating themselves up for not being able to move on from these one-sided situations.
Do you want them or their potential?
I also notice others falling in love with the idea someone’s potential. This is admirable, and part of my job as a TranceFormation™ Coach is to see the potential in others and help them realise it. In this one-sided relationship context however people become stuck. Stuck waiting for someone to become the person they hope they will be rather than seeing the reality of the situation and the person who truly stands before them, a person who has no intention, isn’t ready, or doesn’t yet have the capacity to step into that potential.
So what is a woman to do?
To step forward and ask for a straight answer risks rejection, or humiliation, or the end of the imaginary illusion of what that union could be. Continuing in limbo risks frustration and confusion and the partial stagnation of ones life.
I remember Oprah talking about the so-called falling out between herself and Iyanla Vanzant, where Iyanla seemingly defected from the then HARPO Network at the height of her fame in favour of having her own TV show with Barbara Walters. (See my previous Blog post entitled: Be Yourself – Then Chances Are They Won’t Like You Anyway). Oprah basically said: ‘If someone doesn’t want me I don’t want to want them. I would rather let them go.‘
Introspection and observation, both observation of self, and having an objective third party can be a key factor in moving on. Examining the thoughts and beliefs and emotions the situation brings up. If you are behaving in ways that you don’t like explore the underlying reasons for that. Looking at what you are truly yearning for or trying to get and satisfying it in some other more ecological way so that you are no longer held in the grip of external forces.
Is it time to move on?
Hard as it might be, if nothing is being reciprocated, I would say that the journey of letting go must at some point begin. One must move forward, releasing the heart from the tethers that bind them to the unrequited and one sided whims of another. Forge ahead, even if just one step at a time to become free for the person that does want you, and will see you for who are and have no hesitation in stepping forward to make their intentions known and claim you as their choice.
Goodbye boys.
Hello Gentlemen.
We await the arrival of those who are ready and able to step in and step up.
Until then whole and gorgeous women, continue moving forwards, living and loving life, and experiencing all of the wonderful things that it has to offer, and not letting the inaction of others inform how you see and perceive yourself.
Marilyn ♥
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ABOUT MARILYN DEVONISH
Marilyn Devonish is a Life Observer, Freelance Writer, TranceFormational Change Coach, Therapist, Workshop Facilitator, and Keynote Speaker. Having been on the path of personal development for the past 14 years, a journey which started with her working in the field of Relationship Breakthrough Coaching for over 10 years (read the newspaper article Breaking Up The Easy Way here which came at the start of that journey). After her own painful break-up which came about as a result of her partner having an affair, she has been passionate about sharing that hope, transformation, and ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ with others.
Website: www.tranceformationsTM.com
E-mail: marilyn@tranceformationsTM.com
Workshops and Events: www.tranceformationstm.com/workshopsandevents
Free mp3 Resources and Downloads: www.tranceformationsTM.com/resources
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