Phew. That’s quite a long and lofty Blog title however that was the realisation that I had this morning as I pondered something that had been inexplicably bothering me over the past couple of days and weeks.
One minute I was fine about it, the next I was not. One minute I reasoned that people are what they are so be fine and move on from that, the next I was like no, not on my watch.
It was something that in the grand scheme of things should have been of little consequence in my life; people manipulating others and misrepresenting themselves is sometimes par for the course as you go through this thing called life, so why was this one thing, this silly little thing, this inconsequential thing still taking up residence in my head and the deepest recesses of my heart and soul?
I knew at the time, while it was all unfolding that there was much to learn and explore, so I thankfully I was more of an observer and wasn’t really emotionally damaged, so why then wasn’t I able to heal?
If you follow me on Facebook you will know that I #ponder the mysteries and twists of turns of life a LOT.
Here was today’s Facebook post and realisation on this subject:
You know #ThoseTimes where you’re bothered about the fact that you’re bothered about something.
Yes. That.
I found myself wondering why something that no longer bothered me was still bothering me.
It seemed weird to me that this thing, this thing that wasn’t really bothering me or getting any energy was still there, something, an echo or a grain of sand, still there, almost calling me and pulling me back into the feelings and emotions of it all.
I decided to sit with that this week and really explore it and look at it and examine it to see what would come up for resolution.
This morning I had the most wonderful #AhaMoment about it all. Three in fact:
- Was to use it as inspiration for my writing and more deeply exploring my thoughts and feelings.
- It’s a subject that would be fun to write about so keep on using those feelings to put thoughts and ideas into words for both myself and others. (I started doing that right off the bat last year when it first came to light, and the document currently runs to some 20 or so pages, probably more in fact).
- It’s a lovely mirror with which to get clarity on what I want, on what I’m doing and not doing, and the things and beliefs I still hold that attracted the whole ridiculous situation in the first place.
Ah, I can now relax and really enjoy it.
And having come to that realisation, I really do feel much more relaxed because I have seen the gift in it all.
The gift in the disappointment. The gift in the breaking of trust. The gift in the feeling of being used. The gift in starting to open up to someone only to have them walk all over what you offered like dirt. The gift in being left wondering in the abyss. The gift in the confusion.
And those of you that have taken one of my PhotoReading™ Classes will know that I love, love, love me some confusion because it is that place and that space before the aha moment and the breakthrough.
Confusion is that neurological process where the brain and the neurons are firing and striving and reaching to make those links and connections which bring the whole thing together.
Wow. Liberation.
So rather than having those thoughts and feelings derailing or annoying or stagnating me, I am going to use them to inspire and ignite and evolve me.
Inspiration can come in all shapes and forms and from the most unlikely of places, and I have learned over the past 16 years that I have been in this line of work to take mine from wherever I can get it.
You can if you choose to, use whatever you are going through as a dose of inspiration that will help move you forwards and onwards with your life.
You don’t have to rush straight from anger to peace and calm and flowers and roses, and often, that is what causes many emotional problems because people put a lid on things, and shove them to the ‘back of their mind’ yet rather than being resolved they just sit and fester and leave you in a constant state of pretence and denial. Like that childhood game Buckaroo where at any moment, and with the slightest of triggers you might just ‘go.’
No, the trick is to feel what you are feeling. To sit with that. To honour it, to grieve if you have to, and then to ask what lies beneath that and what the message is. From that place you can then move to the next feeling which still might not be exactly where you want to be, however it’s not where you were.
Also realise that often the thing is not the thing, in that the thing you are seemingly upset about or troubled by is merely a representation, and therefore the thing and trigger could be anything or anyone.
This process can be an unfolding. I only accelerated it for me because I knew in my heart of hearts that I was done with it and therefore it was time to get to the heart of the matter and resolve it.
Wishing you all an emotionally fulfilling and life enhancing day.
Marilyn Devonish ♥