Below is a post that I wrote 729 days ago, in response to the early passing of Amy Winehouse, yet another young and talented human being who seemed to have so much to live for. Amy died on this day, July 23rd in 2011.
Last week another name, Cory Monteith, a star of the hit TV show Glee was added to the young drink, drugs and demise list.
Of course we are all going to physically pass away at some point. What prompted this post 2 years ago was the fact that we see so many deaths prematurely hastened up and accelerated, increasingly at a very young age.
AMY WINEHOUSE DIES AT THE AGE OF 27 – WHAT CAN BE DONE TO HELP AVERT FUTURE TRAGEDIES?
The following message was posted on Twitter on Saturday 23rd July 2011 in response to the death of Amy Winehouse, and prompted me to sit down and write this post:
“If you’re lucky, it’s a time you find the help you need, and I’m always grateful I did thanks to @marilyndevonish 😉”
The post was written by a client that I worked with almost a decade ago regarding the work that we did together back then. I hope those in a similar situation to Amy find something in the following post which goes some way to offering solutions if you now find yourself in a place of being ready to receive help.
THE END OF ANOTHER TALENTED STAR
Amy Winehouse, another young and gifted performer tragically passes away under suspicious circumstances.
Photo: Starstrip.tv
Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Billie Holiday, Heath Ledger, Marilyn Munroe, Paula Yates, River Phoenix, Dorothy Dandridge, Whitney Houston. The list of fame, sex, drugs and rock’n’ roll deaths are almost endless. The story is sadly an old but all too familiar one. A talented star with so much to live for, a full life still ahead of them, the world at their feet, and suddenly it all comes to a tragic end and premature end.
However, when we look back many of the deaths aren’t really that sudden because we the public have often been witness to their slow deterioration and meltdown. Yet when the end comes it seems sudden, almost a shock that it could happen, particularly in this day and age where such tragic endings should be preventable.
Tens of thousands mourn their passing. Their body of work is re-examined and more widely celebrated. The questions and public outcry arise each time one of these stories hits the news headlines: “How could this have happened?” “Why, with everything they had going for them did they not seek help?” “What could those closest to them have done to prevent this? “How could they have been allowed to get so low or have things end this way?” Recriminations often fly, opinions abound, footage of them not looking, acting or feeling their best emerge. So-called ‘friends’ come out of the woodwork to proffer an opinion and we all mourn the loss of yet another short and talented life.
With each untimely death we hope that others walking the same path will take heed and realise that it really could happen to them, and that they are not invincible. Yet, as evidenced by the tragic death of Amy Winehouse, the list goes on and keeps on growing. A heady cocktail of drink, drugs, fame, inner demons, and depression fuelling more needless loss of life.
Usher sang ‘Gone Too Soon’ at the funeral of Michael Jackson. Those words echo here again today.
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE TO AVERT YET ANOTHER TRAGEDY?
In my previous post on Rupert Murduch and the Archetypal energies that might explain his rise to power and the influence that he reportedly had over politicians, the police, and others in positions of power, see:http://marilyndevonish.typepad.com/marilyn_devonish_trancefo/2011/07/rupert-murdoch-did-he-wield-a-harry-potter-like-power.html I quoted a piece from the Spider Man movie, where Peter Parker’s grandfather offers words of wisdom, advice, and warning:
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
Who then is helping those in trouble handle their power and responsibility?
I’ve had many people sending me messages over the past 24 hours asking if Breakthrough Coaching could have helped Amy Winehouse get through those dark moments, hours and days. With hindsight one can only speculate, but as per the message I shared with you previously, written by an ex-client and shared on twitter on Saturday 23rd July 2011 in response to the news about the death of Amy Winehouse, there is always hope.
“If you’re lucky, it’s a time you find the help you need and I’m always grateful I did thanks to @marilyndevonish 😉”
As a TranceFormational™ Breakthrough Coach and Therapist I do believe that there is incredible help available for those who want and are ready to receive it. I say those who want help, because every family dealing with someone suffering from any kind of addition, self harm or self destructive behaviour will know that unless that person is ready and willing to receive help, all the pleading, begging, cajoling, bullying and nagging in the world is unlikely to make a permanent difference.
So what can be done if you are open to receiving help?
1. Admission
The first step is often simply admitting that there is a problem. That in itself can open you up to ideas, possibilities and avenues which can change your thinking and outlook on life. There are many stories where someone reads a book, attends a talk or even just hears a quote which dramatically changes the course and direction of their life. When people are at least open to the idea of change incredible insights can start to come their way.
2. Identify the Root Cause
Everything doesn’t have to be linked to something deep and dark in childhood, however the addictions and behaviours that we outwardly see are rarely in response to a surface level incident. What I have found over the past 13 years that I’ve been working with clients, is that there is often some fundamental root cause at the heart of the matter. It could be related to some kind of incident, but more often it stems from a belief. A belief that relates to one’s self worth or identity, a belief that often connects to in some way not being enough. Of course I’m generalising here, as everything is done on a case by case basis, however this often comes up as a common theme.
3. Get to the Secondary Gain
On a rational level most addicts can readily concede that their behaviour and actions are harmful either in a physical or mental sense depending upon what the addiction happens to be. But despite and in spite of this awareness, that is rarely enough to resolve the problem. That is often because in psychological terms the addictive behaviour or substance feeds some kind of need.
I call this need the Secondary Gain, something which despite the harm being caused is seen as a greater need which must be satisfied. Although often quite simple and straightforward in nature, secondary gain usually hides just outside of one’s awareness, cloaked and buried beneath layers of reasons and excuses. The skilled therapist can uncover this with relative ease and speed, and the client is often stunned when it is bought to light, particularly as it is often something which has unconsciously impacted their entire life. You know you have hit the nail on the head when the client has what I call an ‘ah-ha moment’ and can see how the issue has been the lynchpin holding the whole house of cards in place.
4. Take Responsibility
This can be a big one. Until someone takes responsibility for their condition, rather than blaming others or feeling they are a product of their industry, background or society, it can be difficult to start building in the strategies to ensure that the same behaviours won’t re-occur again.
I am not saying that these external factors are not an influence, what I am saying is that there is a level of personal choice in how one chooses let such factors affect them. If it were the case for instance that the ‘music industry’ were to blame there would be very few performers left!
5. Resolution
Once you have uncovered the root cause and secondary gain, the next step is to do something about it. Many people can tell you chapter and verse what their problems are, but that does little to actually resolve the problem!
The resolution and letting go can come in many forms. I personally used a combination of transformational change technologies including Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis, Time Line Therapy™, Hawaiian Huna, DNA Theta Healing, Energy Psychology, and TranceFormational™ Coaching techniques. Whichever methodology you choose, for serious issues just ensure that it is something that deals with the heart of the problem rather than merely raking over current presenting problems and surface level issues.
6. Future Pacing
One of the most important factors in recovery is building in and installing new strategies for the future, and having what some people might call an overarching purpose or a big ‘Why’ that is bigger than you and outside of just yourself. Without that sense of purpose or meaning the addict could eventually find themselves falling into their old patterns and behaviours. When you future pace and build new strategies it provides a level of resilience and increases behavioural options and choices.
Of course there is more to the process than I can possibly share in this format. However I hope those in need of help can at least start to assess what they might need to do in order to begin moving forwards.
THE 27 CLUB – UNRAVELLING THE MYSTERY BEHIND THE NUMBER
Even more startling than the long list of tragic celebrity deaths at the hands of drugs and alcohol, is the long list of those who have died and become members of what is being dubbed ‘The 27 Club’ the unfortunate members of which all died at the young age of 27.
Amy Winehouse joins the ever growing list including Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Pamela Courson Jim Morrison’s girlfriend, albeit 3 years after his death, Brian Jones, Rudy Lewis, Dave Alexander, Actor Jonathan Brandis, Artist Jean-Michel Basquait, Richey James Edwards, and a host of others all of whom died at the age of 27. Many of them in unexplained circumstances, with a history of alcohol and substance abuse added to the mix.
Photo: Rokpool.com
So what is the significance of the number 27?
In numerology terms the number 27 holds great significance. Thought to be a number of supreme knowledge, the digit sum is 9 (2+7) and 9 is the number of completion.
It is also thought to represent evolution, and German Theologian J Boehme called this number “the death.”
According to researcher and author Alfred Weysen, 27 is a lunar symbol which indicates the light in darkness and is the symbol of the divine light. Certainly, those I have listed here were great lights in the world of entertainment, with each of them also carrying an inherent darkness which it seemed that no light could fill.
Could it be that those gifted with great talent, but also burdened with dark emotions get to a point where they have unconsciously had enough of the inner struggles and therefore feel that this part of their journey is complete?
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
In a 2008 interview, Amy’s father Mitch shared his fears for Amy: “My biggest fear is that she’ll die. And she won’t die from a drug overdose, it won’t be that quick, she’ll die from emphysema, a slow gasping death. People must understand that even giving her a cigarette is causing her harm and anything more than that is causing her death and I want them to understand that.”
His candid interview was not to dramatise the situation, but to highlight the seriousness of the dilemma his precious daughter was facing. Thankfully she didn’t die with the 6 months that Mitch feared, unfortunately however, Amy was not able to overcome the internal war that raged on inside her.
I am sure there are very few who have not visited that dark place at some point in their life. For some it’s only a fleeting stop, barely enough to touch the mind. For others it’s a place where one sits long enough for it to permeate the soul; stay too long, and stay in there alone, and one can reach the point of no return.
As a Therapist and someone who has worked with people around various addictions, I am always left feeling a sense of regret that the deceased didn’t reach out for help. Unlike the days or Dorothy Dandridge, or even as recently as Elvis Presley’s passing, there is now so much help available. Like Amy Winehouse I’ve not necessarily been a fan of traditional rehab, as I’ve always gone for a more direct approach, however, regardless of the route one takes, there is no shortage of help available so I do sincerely hope that those in need will now seek out that help, and take it.
ABOUT MARILYN DEVONISH
Marilyn Devonish is a Coach and Therapist and has been practicing since the year 2000. Marilyn is also a Certified Master Practitioner and Trainer of NLP, Certified Trainer of Time Line Therapy™, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Practitioner of Huna, EFT, DNA Theta Healing, EmoTrance and Reiki. She is also a Freelance Writer, Inspirational Speaker, Corporate Management Development Trainer, Archetypal Profiling Coach, and Author.
CONTACT INFORMATION
For further information or to contact Marilyn Devonish:
Tel: +44 1923 337282
Email: marilyn@tranceformationstm.com
Web: http://tranceformationstm.com/