Abuse & Bullying – Why don’t people speak up? #MoralDilemma
Marilyn Devonish <3
17 Comments
Hi Marilyn, its your Julie Mangoes friend lol
Thank you for your insight on such a difficult issue to personally deal with.
How would you deal with a friend who is going through this in their marriage and naturally their pride stops them from speaking up.
This lady is my mothers friend and her husband holds her as a prisoner but she is very active in voluntary services with the elderly and venerable but lately every commitment she makes she bombs out consistently.
Thank you for the advice and now I am going to have some of bag of mangoes from my fresh delivery this morning.
Colin Mitchell You are most welcome, and thank you for your questions and insights. M <3
Hi Marilyn can you send me a youtube link that I could forward to her, because she use to be one of my supports for mum back in the UK while I am here in Trinidad on business but not gets done and her responses have become very abrupt at times and then you can tell it is the husband talking. Much appreciated my dear friend but mangoes and avocados now matey. Bless lol
Colin Mitchell You know your friend better than I do so you would most probably be in a better position to find links and videos that would resonate with them.
SpotOn Marilyn! I’ve even seen abusers use the law of attraction trend, to excuse any responsibility of their abusive action!!!
This really needs discussing!! Well done for doing that! 💖💜💗 Just started listening!! I’m sick of seeing law of attraction followers talk shit to people who’ve experienced being bullied or abused.
Fiona Fay It’s a tricky one for sure. I know that I have learnt a lot through my experiences. Would I be the person I am today had I not been through them? Who knows? Did they form part of my big life plan or what some might call soul contract? No idea? Would I blame someone for what they have been or are going through? Most certainly not.
Sometimes you have to walk away if it’s a narcissist or psychopath you’re dealing with. They often turn it round on you to others and their aim is to get you to second guess yourself so that you believe it’s you that’s the problem as well. They will keep going until they destroy you, so the best thing is to suss them out as quick as you can and then get away as fast as you can..
Well said Coral!!!
Coral Jones I’m not sure that everyone who does this is a narcissist or psychopath; I’m sure that the majority of us in varying degrees have elements of those traits. Unfortunately not everyone is in a position to walk away as it can be a complex issue however the recognition that something isn’t right is a great first step because once you have woken up and smelt the coffee you can decide where to go from there.
I didn’t say that everyone that bullies or abuses is a narcissist or psychopath. However, they are largely responsible for these kinds of behaviours, and although there may be others on the ‘scale’, I have to disagree that most of us have traits of narcissists (as defined by Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or psychopaths (Anti-Social Personality Disorder). SNPs (sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths) have no conscience, no remorse and no emotions, and there is growing scientific evidence to suggest malfunctioning brain activity and/or chemicals is responsible for that. I realise not everyone is in a position to walk away, having been in that position myself a number of times (I was married to one and engaged to another to name but two). However, the sooner someone has worked out that this is what they are dealing with, the better, as getting away is the best option if you want to maintain your sanity. The average number of times a woman suffering domestic violence will leave her partner is 7, before finally doing succeeding, and the average number of times she will have been abused is 37. One more statistic – 1 in 4 women have suffered or will suffer this kind of abuse in their lifetime, and when you talk to them it could almost be the same man that they are talking about. This makes it vital to women’s education to understand what abuse is and how to spot it and/or SNPs in my opinion.
Coral Jones I’ve watched several documentaries, read some of the reports and scales, and read what I call the pop psychology articles that neatly bundle it up, and I can’t hand on heart say that I’ve never been jealous, had situations where I lacked empathy, or been caught up in my own thoughts, and some of the other things that have been commonly described. And yes, much about life is often a massive generalisation so I take my hat off to those who have never had or experienced such thoughts or feelings.
Marilyn – I’m not sure I understand what you mean. However, SNPs don’t simply lack empathy, for example. They just don’t have any, and will stop at nothing to get their own way, whatever that is. I’m not sure I recognise being caught up in your own thoughts as a SNP trait, and of course anyone can be ‘jealous’. It’s the style of power and control that is used by SNP abusers that is so insidious. Most people that may have similar traits to those you describe are not abusers, so I’m not sure I understand your point. Its the collection of at least 5 of the known traits that makes someone an SNP. The checklists by Hervey and Hare (in the academic literature) are probably the best indicators of what SNPs are, ‘abuse’ is a large part of what they do if you count lying, gas lighting, having several relationships on the go at once, harassment and attempting to control someone’s movements or isolate them. It doesn’t always mean they rape or punch their victims, for example. Conversely I would almost go as far as saying that people that don’t fit the description of an SNP are also not likely to be abusers… Here’s a link that describes both of the checklists https://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/the-list-of-psychopathy-symptoms/
Hi Marilyn, its your Julie Mangoes friend lol
Thank you for your insight on such a difficult issue to personally deal with.
How would you deal with a friend who is going through this in their marriage and naturally their pride stops them from speaking up.
This lady is my mothers friend and her husband holds her as a prisoner but she is very active in voluntary services with the elderly and venerable but lately every commitment she makes she bombs out consistently.
Thank you for the advice and now I am going to have some of bag of mangoes from my fresh delivery this morning.
Colin Mitchell You are most welcome, and thank you for your questions and insights. M <3
Hi Marilyn can you send me a youtube link that I could forward to her, because she use to be one of my supports for mum back in the UK while I am here in Trinidad on business but not gets done and her responses have become very abrupt at times and then you can tell it is the husband talking. Much appreciated my dear friend but mangoes and avocados now matey. Bless lol
Colin Mitchell You know your friend better than I do so you would most probably be in a better position to find links and videos that would resonate with them.
SpotOn Marilyn! I’ve even seen abusers use the law of attraction trend, to excuse any responsibility of their abusive action!!!
This really needs discussing!! Well done for doing that! 💖💜💗 Just started listening!! I’m sick of seeing law of attraction followers talk shit to people who’ve experienced being bullied or abused.
Fiona Fay It’s a tricky one for sure. I know that I have learnt a lot through my experiences. Would I be the person I am today had I not been through them? Who knows? Did they form part of my big life plan or what some might call soul contract? No idea? Would I blame someone for what they have been or are going through? Most certainly not.
Sometimes you have to walk away if it’s a narcissist or psychopath you’re dealing with. They often turn it round on you to others and their aim is to get you to second guess yourself so that you believe it’s you that’s the problem as well. They will keep going until they destroy you, so the best thing is to suss them out as quick as you can and then get away as fast as you can..
Well said Coral!!!
Coral Jones I’m not sure that everyone who does this is a narcissist or psychopath; I’m sure that the majority of us in varying degrees have elements of those traits. Unfortunately not everyone is in a position to walk away as it can be a complex issue however the recognition that something isn’t right is a great first step because once you have woken up and smelt the coffee you can decide where to go from there.
I didn’t say that everyone that bullies or abuses is a narcissist or psychopath. However, they are largely responsible for these kinds of behaviours, and although there may be others on the ‘scale’, I have to disagree that most of us have traits of narcissists (as defined by Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or psychopaths (Anti-Social Personality Disorder). SNPs (sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths) have no conscience, no remorse and no emotions, and there is growing scientific evidence to suggest malfunctioning brain activity and/or chemicals is responsible for that. I realise not everyone is in a position to walk away, having been in that position myself a number of times (I was married to one and engaged to another to name but two). However, the sooner someone has worked out that this is what they are dealing with, the better, as getting away is the best option if you want to maintain your sanity. The average number of times a woman suffering domestic violence will leave her partner is 7, before finally doing succeeding, and the average number of times she will have been abused is 37. One more statistic – 1 in 4 women have suffered or will suffer this kind of abuse in their lifetime, and when you talk to them it could almost be the same man that they are talking about. This makes it vital to women’s education to understand what abuse is and how to spot it and/or SNPs in my opinion.
Coral Jones I’ve watched several documentaries, read some of the reports and scales, and read what I call the pop psychology articles that neatly bundle it up, and I can’t hand on heart say that I’ve never been jealous, had situations where I lacked empathy, or been caught up in my own thoughts, and some of the other things that have been commonly described. And yes, much about life is often a massive generalisation so I take my hat off to those who have never had or experienced such thoughts or feelings.
Marilyn – I’m not sure I understand what you mean. However, SNPs don’t simply lack empathy, for example. They just don’t have any, and will stop at nothing to get their own way, whatever that is. I’m not sure I recognise being caught up in your own thoughts as a SNP trait, and of course anyone can be ‘jealous’. It’s the style of power and control that is used by SNP abusers that is so insidious. Most people that may have similar traits to those you describe are not abusers, so I’m not sure I understand your point. Its the collection of at least 5 of the known traits that makes someone an SNP. The checklists by Hervey and Hare (in the academic literature) are probably the best indicators of what SNPs are, ‘abuse’ is a large part of what they do if you count lying, gas lighting, having several relationships on the go at once, harassment and attempting to control someone’s movements or isolate them. It doesn’t always mean they rape or punch their victims, for example. Conversely I would almost go as far as saying that people that don’t fit the description of an SNP are also not likely to be abusers… Here’s a link that describes both of the checklists https://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/the-list-of-psychopathy-symptoms/