Sunday mornings have been quite a treat of late, with 3-hours of Oprah Winfrey back to back. I’m not sure how many shows have aired before my discovering them, but the most recent Oprah’s Next Chapter that I viewed was with Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas.
Fergie opened up about varying aspects of her life. From the drug taking in her early music career, the way she handled the potential death of her father, through to allegations of infidelity in her marriage to actor Josh Duhamel.
Below are a few of the highlights from my perspective, as Oprah interviewed with Josh, Fergie, and her family.
On taking drugs and crystal meth – What helped Fergie to get off drugs and kick the habit?
“A lot of therapy and a lot of soul searching go me through it.”
As a Coach and Therapist I am always delighted when people open up about the ways that they have been helped with this approach. When I started doing therapy some 13 years ago, it was still all a rather cloak and dagger affair with people coming to see me in secret. In some respects, that hasn’t changed, as I still meet many people that don’t want others to know that they are receiving any kind of help in achieving their goals and aims. However, bit by bit, those walls of embarrassment are slowly and surely being broken down.
What started the drug taking in the first place?
“I didn’t know how to deal with confrontation and I wanted to be liked so I started taking drugs instead.”
I remember years ago on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Oprah talked about having the ‘Disease To Please.’ Most people know intellectually that it is nigh on impossible to please everyone, yet, many still try in vain to do just that. What is often leads to is a dilution of the self and living a life that is internally torn an incongruent, even if all appears to be good with that face that one puts forward to the outside world.
What was the lowest point and the turning point with the drugs?
“It was when I started hallucinating that I was having conversations with god and that people were after me. On the day I decided to give up drugs I was in a church and I believed that the FBI and a SWAT team were waiting outside to get me. I promised that if I went outside and there was no FBI and no SWAT team, I would give up. There was no SWAT team and no FBI outside the church so I kept my promise and gave up.”
As many addicts share, Fergie’s family had no idea at the time about the extent of the drug problem. As is often the case, regardless of where the family fit in that picture, the addict themselves have to find their own ‘crucible moment’ in order to start the journey of recovery.
How did you come to be working with the Black Eyed Peas?
“I just went up to them and said “Excuse me. The group I am in is separating and I want to work with you.”
Fergie was one of those ‘overnight successes’ that was a lifetime in the making. She has been performing since the age of 7 and joined the Black Eyed Peas at 27 years of age. Will.i.am had already seen her perform with her previous band so the foundations had been laid for Fergie’s rather bold introduction and request.
It may have been that their paths would have crossed in another way, however Fergie’s approach is beautiful example of seeing an opportunity and seizing the day.
On questions regarding her marriage and the allegations of Josh Duhamel having an affair with a woman from a Strip Club:
“When you go through difficult times, it’s made us stronger as a couple and as a unit. We’re stronger today because of anything difficult. We communicate. We went through a lot of therapy. We have a spiritual partnership; that’s where a deeper love comes in. The fun, the flirting is all good and the spiritual side is where the deeper love comes in.”
Josh – How did it affect you?
“That moment, it put me in check and made me ask ‘What kind of a man do I want to be?’ Now I’m actually happy that it all happened. As much anger as I carried around it, I glad it all happened.”
On what really matters in life?
“Family, family, family. I was on tour for all those years so now is the gravy.”
How did Fergie and Josh meet?
“There is no coincidence . . . . all divine. Josh talked about having a crush on Fergie during an interview for In Style Magazine. Around the same time he asked for Black Eyed Peas to be one of the featured musical guests on the hit TV show Las Vegas starring the Actor James Caan.”
Josh: “They (the Black Eyes Peas) appeared on the show at the same time the magazine was on the newsstand.”
Fergie: “I was like, Las Vegas? Is that the show that guy is on? I was single at the time so I decided to remain open.”
On sibling rivalry. Dana’s Fergie’s sister speaks out:
“Was I in her shadow or in her light? Light. I got front row seats!”
Comments from the family:
Fergie’s dad said she reminded him early on that ‘this is show business, this is not representing me.’
Fergie’s mum said: “I knew normal wasn’t enough for her.”
MY REFLECTIONS
Ashton Kutcher said recently, on accepting an award at the Teen Choice Awards, that opportunity often looks a lot like hard work, and seeing the family shots of Fergie out working as a 7 year old certainly reminded me that we see before us on MTV today is a culmination of that.
I also loved being reminded about the beauty of divine timing, and the way that those seemingly random events come together at just the right time.
When I was going through a particularly hard time in my life I had ‘rock’ on my desk that bore a quote from Albert Einstein: In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” Fergie and Josh took the difficult set of circumstances that stood before them and used it to cement their marriage and find a deeper connection.
In the work that I have been doing with clients since the year 2000, one of my key roles is to help people quiet the mind and unearth, resolve, and release the emotional noise and mind clutter. As Fergie strolled through the family vineyard with her father, you could also see the sense of peace and release that resided within them as they surveyed the abundant space where Mother Nature displayed so boldly all she had to offer.
ABOUT MARILYN DEVONISH
Known as The Mind Magician for being able to help people change and transform their thinking seemingly through simple yet powerful and deep conversations, Marilyn Devonish is a Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, Time Line Therapist, Huna Practitioner, and Certified PhotoReading Instructor and Accelerated Learning Workshop Facilitator and Trainer. Passionate about working with both individuals and organisations, with a Business Degree and Post Graduate Marketing and Project Management Diploma’s, Marilyn brings a unique business and esoteric flair that both gets to the heart of the matter and puts transformational change strategies in place.
To book an Introductory Consultation e-mail: marilyn@tranceformationsTM.com or visit: www.tranceformationsTM.com