Elizabeth Gilbert on the Heroines Heroic Journey – Did you get the memo?

“Many women didn’t get the memo that it’s their life.”

Did you get the memo, or are you still waiting for permission to live?

I wasn’t running or attending a Workshop this weekend so I had what I call my ‘Oprah Love-In.’  Three hours on a Sunday morning of back-to-back Oprah courtesy of the TLC channel.

The Super Soul Sunday guest this week was Elizabeth Gilbert, the Author of Eat, Pray, Love.  What ensued was a fascinating conversation which resonated on many levels because I have been through the journey that they described, and collected some pretty cool tools along the way to help other navigate the path more easily and with less pain, confusion and angst.

Elizabeth Gilbert Sky Super Soul Sunday
Elizabeth Gilbert on Super Soul Sunday

What follows are some of the key areas discussed.  Comments from Elizabeth are in “quotation marks and italics” and I have also added some tips, suggestions, and coaching questions to consider, and at the end of the Blog I have shared some processes and approaches that have helped both myself and subsequently my coaching clients deal with those parts that had started to rebel and ‘shrivel up and die’ as they embarked upon their own life changing voyages of change, transformation, and discovery.

On Creating Your Own Voyage of Eat, Play, Love Discovery . . . .

“You don’t need to do what I did, just ask yourself the same questions I asked myself and you will have your own journey.  I am still capable of bursting into tears when someone comes up to me and says: ‘You changed my life’ because I may have heard it before but I’ve never heard it from you.  You might not be able to begin your quest today but make your plan and start your Coffee Can today (save $1 a day). The one question where people come to me when they’re stuck. It’s fear.”

You might want to start with just asking yourself: “What is my biggest fear?”

Women Had No Role Model . . . It’s The Hero’s Journey . . . .

“There were no women featured in the original Joseph Campbell Hero’s Journey.  We don’t have 30,000 years’ worth of role models to look up to. What did I come here to do with my life?  You can ignore it or pursue it. The pursuit is the start of the journey.

I believe the Hero’s Journey is part of our DNA because that journey is told in the same way, in cultures that have never even heard of each other. You first get the call.  Then the refusal of the call, I’m just a kid . . . . You deny that you have the strength to answer; I’m just a regular guy . . . .”

Martin Luther King stepped up and answered the call in a way to impacted the world
Martin Luther King stepped up and answered The Call in a way to impacted the world

Oprah said: “I’m the producer of Selma, and Martin Luther King heard the call and tried to say don’t look at me, I’m just a preacher in my little church . . .”

I have been an Archetypal Profiling Coach and Consultant since 2005.  It was a real revelation to me and explained absolutely perfectly the journey that I had been on my entire life, and the confusing change, transition, and transformation that I was experiencing at that exact point and moment in time.  It also thankfully told me what I needed to do next, and the skills, traits, and characteristics that were required to help me through the next stages of the Hero’s Journey.

Below is a graphic that I created for one of my Workshops which more clearly outlines the whole Archetypal Hero’s Journey:

The Archetypal Hero's Journey - TranceFormationsTM.com
The Archetypal Hero’s Journey – TranceFormationsTM.com

Have You Heard Your Call?

“I think that call is the same for men and women.  I think the call comes in the middle of the night; What did I come here to do with my life?”

From Dorothy following that curious yellow brick road and wanting to find her way home, to a defiant Luke Skywalker finally finding and using the force, the call is the same.  In our modern day culture, the Archetypal journey shows up in all of the blockbuster movies of our time:

The Hollywood Archetypal Journey
The Hollywood Archetypal Journey

In everything from Dorothy and those red shoes, right through to Star Wars and the Matrix, the main protagonist is called to live a life greater than the one they had planned or accepted for themselves.

Oprah said of her journey:  “I felt all those years ago that if I didn’t leave Baltimore (and move to Chicago) I felt like a part of me would shrivel up and die.”

“A friend told me I might literally die, you might get sick, crash a car, if I didn’t give up on my old life. You atrophy; part of you shuts down and dies.  When you do answer the call it is not without self-doubt, you’re gonna be faced with challenges and obstacles. We’re kind of delusion in this life with the way we package changing your life, as if it’s something like fun.  If you’re gonna answer the call and you are gonna transform and change, get ready.  It is not a day at the beach. Expect to be challenged, to feel hurt, despair.  It’s not called the road of trials because it’s a joy ride, it’s a road of trials because that’s what it is.  It’s not just a walk in the park but every obstacle and temptation that you have to manage will prepare you for those final battles and give you the strength and tools that you need and help you shed your fears.”

What Are You Called To Do?

“It doesn’t matter what other people said. Being a writer, this is what I had to do.”

So as you think about it now, what are you called to do?

Is it a dragon that needs to be slayed or just heard and understood?

What Was Your Actual Battle?

“The real battle for me was my own self abuse. It was to learn how to stop and how, to drop the knife that I was holding to my own throat.  I was never good enough. I could never let go of my failures, I couldn’t let go of my shame. I couldn’t let go of anything wrong I had ever done.  I had an inventory that was so long, and that happened in India. I remember it very well because I was in 4 months of meditation and that was my battle. It was the 4 months in that meditation. Alone, with no distractions, no friends, nothing.  Just me and it, and then it was the anger, the sadness, the sorrow, the shame, the pain.

My head is a neighbourhood you don’t wanna walk around in at night. It’s not nice in there and when you’re forced to be there.  My battle ended when I realised that these demons, these monsters, these dragons, when the light came through I realised I was making them more grandiose than they are.”

Parts Integration - The broken pieces of the same story . . . .
Parts Integration – The broken pieces of the same story . . . .

The Disowned and Orphaned Parts . . . .

“They’re just the orphaned parts of me.  The fearfulness, the most young, terrified parts of me.  They are scared, to death, and they are throwing temper tantrums because of the fear, so now I have to tell them it’s gonna be OK and they can all go to sleep.

I am the mother of all of these parts of me so I ascended above them and told each of them that I loved them. Come into my heart and rest. Mommies driving now.  Mommy is the part of me that can embrace everything that I am.”

What Elizabeth is talking about here here is a combination of Archetype shadow sides, and parts integration. All of the Archetypes, like the Yin and Yang have two sides, almost like the light and the shadow side.

Below is a slide from one of my Relationship Workshops which summaries the process for reconciling and healing those old patterns.

Our Parts often show themselves in relationships
Our Parts often show themselves in relationships

Our unresolved or unexpressed and afraid parts often show themselves in relationships.  The Lover Archetype for example is all about loving others, being romantic, intimacy, passion, enthusiasm, sexual pleasure, and making commitments.  The shadow side of the lover is about objectifying others, sex or romance addictions, and out of control sexuality, and when the shadow side has not been expressed or nurtured it can be destructive in the extreme.  The disowned parts can, as Elizabeth has already described can also run amuck inside of your head, so I’ve shared some tips at the end of this Blog about how you can start to get in touch with, identify, and integrate them.

What was your dark night? 

“Oh I had so many of them. I went away once for 10 days to be in absolute silence.  No books, no writing, just went to this island.  Ten days of silence.  I think I wept out 10 lifetimes of sorrow.  I would walk around this island, praying, sobbing, talking, I remember it was a peace summit in a way.  I was like for all you guys, the battling demons, we’re all gonna have to figure out how to work together here because we can’t be like this.  We’re gonna have, to learn to figure out to integrate this thing called the self.  What I learnt about my self was that any voice that you have that attacks you in any way is not your higher self.”

The 3 Layers of Self . . . .

“And I think the trick we’ve fallen into sometimes is that we’ve got these 3 layers of self   We’ve got little scared kid.  Older judgemental big sister who we think is the higher self.  So, little scared kid is like I want I want food because I need it.  Older sister judge is like: “You idiot, when are you going to stop doing this to, yourself?”

And you think that you’re higher self because it knows more because clearly it’s right in a way because you can’t keep abusing yourself like this. But if it is speaking to, you in that tone, I can guarantee you, that is not the voice of God, and that is not your channel to God because it doesn’t come in that tone.  It is just a judge inside you, it is not grace, and you will know grace because grace says I don’t care what you do.  You’re splendid and magnificent and I’m here and I’m right beside you and were gonna get through this.”

Listen out for the true voice of grace
Listen out for the true voice of grace

Listen Out For the Voice of Grace . . . .

“Grace never says you screwed up it just says love, come embrace.  Grace is what I call God.  It’s what the said before, the simplest definition I ever heard for God was ‘whoever lifts your face out of the dirt.’  Anything that lifts that and ascends you and gently says rise, rise, rise, that’s grace calling.”

So Where Do You Go From Here?

So if you recognise this as being what you’re struggling with or currently trying to figure out and deal with, where do you go from here?

Are You Confused About Your Life Path, Purpose, or Journey?

If you’re confused about your life path and where you’re headed, first off I’d say scroll back up to this blog and take another look at the Archetypal Journey graphic and see where you are.  For example, if you’ve heard ‘The Call’ and stepped over ‘The Threshold’, the next thing you need to do is let go of the old, let go of the fear, the doubt, and the insecurity, and face up to the challenges.

If you’ve already faced and overcome the first line of challenge, the next stage is to recognise and be OK with being in the ‘Abyss’ and get used to the sense of uncertainty as the journey unfolds and you begin to find your way, because this is the point where many people scramble back to shore rather than metaphorically, or physically getting on that plane and flying to Italy or India.   This is also the stage is where you really need to be open, and alert, and tune into and trust your intuition because your next steps will be revealed to you so long as you are not closed and in the grip of fear about what is to come.

Each of the stages and phases requires something different from you both emotionally and spiritually, and sometimes even physically.  There is too much detail to attempt to fit into this Blog however you will find an overview of all of the Archetypes and their descriptions on my website: click here

Parts Integration - The Unification of Self
Parts Integration – The Unification of Self

Does Part of You Want ‘X’ While Another Part Wants ‘Y’?

Where Elizabeth spoke of the ‘orphaned parts’ when you have those at play you often feel pulled in 2 or more opposing directions; The ‘on the one hand you want this, whilst on the other you want that’ kind of feeling.  Parts can also show up disempower you.  For example, you can feel perfectly confident working with your peers, yet shrink and feel like a child when you have to go and present to the Board of Directors or speak to your boss.

The parts tend to have what I call a highest positive intention for you, and tend to come out as form of protection, albeit warped in the way that they show up and present themselves.

Identifying the Orphaned Parts of You

These are a couple of easy things you can do to start to identify what the parts are and what their highest intention might be:

  1. If you were to bring the part forward and name it, what would you call it and how would you describe it?
  2. What age is the part?
  3. Is the part you or someone else?  (For example, it could be the part of you that is your mother, father, domineering older sibling, the part that keeps you in check, the responsible part, etc).
  4. What does the part want?
  5. What role does it play in your life?
  6. If you were to know, what is the highest positive intention of the part?

As you answer these questions, first do so intuitively.  Go with the first thing that comes to mind and allow the answers to flow no matter how strange, crazy, or out there they might seem.  When you reach an impasse with the last 4 questions, check in with yourself and ask: “What else?”

I have found that when I am doing Parts Integration Work with Coaching clients they often start off with “I don’t know” and once we get beyond what I call the void, the answers flow like a well scripted and most detailed story, to the point where they surprise themselves about what flows forth.

When you understand the positive intention of the part it is much easier both to re-integrate and utilise it to help rather than sabotage you.  It is important to integrate the parts or find a positive use for its traits characteristics and skills otherwise, like a sleeping volcano, they have a tendency to erupt, often at the most inappropriate times.  When integrated however you can use those once destructive traits to your benefit. For example, if you had been plagued by determined anger, when it is working for you rather than against you, you can use that determination in the pursuit and fulfilment of your goals, dreams, and aspirations.

The Limiting Beliefs

What often runs alongside the parts of limiting beliefs.  The ‘I’m not good enough’ ‘I’m a failure’ ‘I’m wrong’ self abuse beliefs that Elizabeth spoke about earlier.

The limiting beliefs have a very clever way of staying hidden, running like an invisible undercurrent in your life until you try to step outside of your comfort zone, which ironically is how the Hero’s Heroine’s Journey has to begin.

A simple way to get started in uncovering any limiting beliefs is to ask what you absolutely believe about yourself which isn’t positive.  They are usually ‘I am’ or ‘I’m not’ statements.

When identified and resolved it can be an absolute game changer because there is an enormous amount of freedom from knowing that you are worthy and good enough.  I tend to use something like Time Line Therapy or Access Consciousness to resolve them however there are now a myriad of ways to address them.

Your Life Purpose 

A couple of great exercises you can do to start to uncover your life purpose and what you’re here on this planet to do is to start playing with words.  Although very short and sweet, the words that you choose can start to shed some light on your inner most thoughts, feelings, and desires.   Below are a small selection of the questions that I use with my clients who are seeking clarity in this area:

  1. What is your favourite word and why?
  2. What are you most passionate about?
  3. What would you happily devote time to doing even if you weren’t being paid?
  4. What brings you joy and happiness?
  5. If there was something that you felt and believed you were born to do, what would that be?

Write your answers to these questions down.  Once you have completed all of the questions, go back and look for similarities, and what I call The Golden Thread.  There will be something that binds and connects all of these things which also points the way to what your current life purpose is.

The Oprah Question

There’s also a question which Oprah shared on the Oprah Winfrey Show a good 24+ years ago.  It was a show about MomPreneurs, mothers who had created successful businesses from home.  At the time I heard the question, it was interesting, but it took me a further 12 years to really ‘get it’ and understand the significance of its meaning.  My paraphrased version of it is this:

  1. “What is the conversation that when you hear it as you’re walking by, it would make you want to stop and join in?”

At the time I was in late teens/early 20’s at university and was a business studies undergraduate so it went way over my head.  When at the age of 32 I decided to give up my Chartered Accountancy studies and become a Hypnotherapist and Coach instead, I totally got it.  If there’s a conversation about ‘transformation’ and mind-set, and how to really change your life and re-wire the software of your brain, I would so totally want to stop and join in.

Next Steps

Start by getting yourself a blank sheet of paper or a journal and answering all of the questions above.

Also go through the Archetypal Journey Process that I have outlined and see if you can identify where you are.  There is a Archetypal Psychometric Profile available from my website which numerically and graphically does that for you.  It shows the strength of your Archetypes, which are at the forefront, those not being fully expressed, and those being repressed and unconsciously disowned and kept in the shadows. Website details are below.

One of the weekly exercises that I use with my Online Magic & Gratitude Group is choosing a ‘WOW’ which is a Word Of the Week.  Pick a word in alignment with your life purpose.  You will be amazed, as my Gratitude Group members are how the word, and positive things associated with it, show up as they go about their day to day lives.  It is pretty magical.

 

WEBSITE & CONTACT INFORMATION

Website: www.tranceformationsTM.com

Archetypal Profile: www.tranceformationsTM.com/archetypal

E-mail: marilyn@tranceformationsTM.com

Facebook: /marilyndevonish

 

 

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