I have realised that many people are afraid of writing, and I’m not talking about writing a book (although that can be a big one too), I am referring to writing Blogs, or even Facebook posts and social media updates.
For those of you that are like me, and writing ten to the dozen, Blogging, writing magazine articles, and posting a ton of stuff across various mediums every single day, that might sound a little strange, particularly as we now live in such a social media driven world where it seems as though everyone is posting or at least Instagramming about something.
However I get it, because I started out a little like that too.
I say a little like that because by the time Facebook and everything that it brought with it arrived, I had already gone through the pain of finding my voice and answering the question: “Who am I to say that? Who on earth would want to hear from or about me?” I had realised by the dawn of the social media era, that what I had to say, which at that time through the spoken word, was just as worthy as the next man so to speak.
I still had the trials and tribulations of what to say on the new fangled Facebook and Twitter platform, and how to say it, but that didn’t so much come from a place of uncertainly of self, more a place of what was it that I actually wanted to express.
Why are people not writing?
Why is not a question that I use very often when I’m coaching because it tends to drive people further down into a tunnel, however I think it’s a good starting point here.
So why would someone who is out there doing amazing work be afraid of posting and expressing what they have to say?
Basically a big one is Fear. Fear of putting yourself out there. Fear of being criticised. Fear of being judged. Fear of upsetting people. Fear of saying the ‘wrong’ thing. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of polarising your audience. Fear of appearing too big for your boots and boasting. Even fear of people seeing into your life.
For those who write about their profession or business there is also being afraid of making a mistake in what you write about, or having people that don’t like what you say and it then having a negative impact on your business. So they try to sit on the fence. They try to be everything. They try not to have a particular point of view. They try to cover all bases so that everyone will agree and like what they have to say.
In my experience, that’s a very big ask, and I applaud the people that are always able to do that. For many however this approach actually dilutes their voice rather than strengthens it if they actually do have a particular view.
So how do you overcome the fear or barriers to self expression?
I have come up with 11 Top Tips and things to keep in mind that have helped me get out into social media land and stay there.
1. Good News Bad News
I guess just to get it out of the way I should break the bad news to you . . . . . . .
The bad news is that it is likely that no matter what you do or say and no matter how nicely you say it, someone isn’t going to like it or you. I know people who have slated Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama, the so-called epitomes of kindness and compassion. Seriously, if these people are not universally accepted, what hope do us mere mortals have of being liked and accepted by everyone? You might just have to let go of what Oprah calls: “The need to please” and accept that you really can’t please or pacify everyone.
The good news is that you can still live a great life, safe in the knowledge that there are people out there that don’t like you. Don’t go out of your way to fight with, argue with, or harm those people, just let it be OK, and accept that you are probably never going to be all things to all people.
2. What does it mean and is it really true?
Byron Katie and her exploration Work has a really great question which is: “Is it really true?” This is a great starting point when you get too caught up on your thoughts and in your own head.
- So what if everyone doesn’t like you?
- So what if everyone doesn’t hold the same perspective or point of view?
- What does it mean or say about you as a person and as a human soul?
- If someone says something rude or insulting or unpleasant about you what does that mean and is it really true?
- Is their view, real or perceived enough of a reason to keep yourself small and not express yourself?
- Is the fear of what other people MIGHT think or say enough for you to stifle yourself and take away your own true voice?
Only you can answer those questions and only you can decide whether the world could be made a better place or enhanced by your voice being in it and joining the universal choir and chorus.
3. The art of neutrality
I work a lot with the art of neutrality, polarities, and being comfortable with holding opposing views. When you write from that space you feel OK if people don’t agree with the perspective that you are currently sharing. It is OK because you are not necessarily deeply wedded to that point of view and it doesn’t have to be your way or the highway.
From this space you are not fighting and pushing against everything. It allows you to relax into those different perspectives and viewpoints.
4. Let go of the need to be right and know when to let go
And I say ‘currently sharing’ in 3 above for a reason, because I am also in the place where I know that my thoughts and views and ideas can change and grow and progress as I learn more about myself and the world. That being the case, it would be kinda crazy trying the get EVERYTHING ‘right.’ Of course I would never want to mislead anyone or share bad information, and I would never knowingly do so. I do however have to be content to live in the space of doing the best that I can with the information and knowledge that I have in this moment and while striving to grow and develop and realise my mistakes or changing viewpoints as I go along.
I was having a conversation recently with someone who had a different point of view which was fine with me and I found it all rather curious and interesting. However when they started going down the route of personal insults to make that view heard the conversation for me was over because I realised that they wanted to be right as opposed to having a discussion. I also realised that in order for them to get there I would have to allow myself to get dragged through some mud and be made wrong.
In those instances I am happy to let go and to walk away and to focus my energy on those things that are important in my life. I am happy to agree to disagree, and if someone can’t or won’t play in that space as far as social media is concerned, and has to make it personal, like the Dragons in the Den, I’m out.
5. Be brave not reckless
From a marketing point of view, particularly if you are representing your business on social media, ‘Gerald Ratner Gate’ as I used to call it, is still a very stark reminder of how quickly one little 4 letter word can ruin an entire empire and wipe out the profits one of the biggest High Street retailers. For those of you that are too young to remember this story (it was well before the days of social media yet still had an instant impact) you can read a modern day account of it here, where Mr Ratner was interviewed in 2013 about that fateful day back in 1991.
So, don’t be reckless with your words, particularly now that what you say can be beamed around the world in a nanosecond. But not being reckless is still very different to not posting because you are afraid.
6. Find your own voice
I watched an interview this morning with Oprah. She spoke about the breakthrough moment and turning point for her in finding her own voice.
Oprah said: “I could be a better Oprah Winfrey than I could be a pretend Barbara Walters. My own voice is a better voice than pretending to have her voice.”
Photograph courtesy of Harpo Studios
Oprah had that realisation very early on in her broadcasting career after she made a mistake live on air can called Canada “Cana-dar” because she hadn’t read the copy correctly. Her bosses reprimanded her but the viewers loved that she laughed, apologised, and was just herself. In that moment the straightjacket of trying to be the Barbara Walters she had seen on TV fell away and she was more free to be herself. It was that freedom that helped her move from behind a newsdesk reading copy to standing up and having the confidence to host her own show.
7. Know that you have value
For me, a big reason why I was so quiet and shy for the first 32 years of my life was because I was lacking in confidence and desperately low in self esteem. From that place the pervading thought in my head was: “What have I got to say, and who would even want to listen to me or hear what I have to say?”
Having sorted that out, I have come to realise that we all have value and that we all have a contribution to make should you choose to do so. Yeah, sure, some people have a bigger platform from which to do it which makes their contribution ‘seem’ more valuable, but at the end of the day we are all equal players in this ever unfolding game called life and no one really has the heads up on what it is really all about.
8. Come from a good place
One of the things that I realised very early on in my NLP Training was that I could get away with saying almost anything if it came from the right place. I could ask my clients the most outrageous things and they would answer with no problem at all because it came from the space of genuinely wanting to heal or resolve something. If I had asked the same questions or made the same comments from my old angry or vindictive standpoint I am sure that things would have ended badly rather than smiles and laughter all round.
When you write from a place of anger, hurt, fear, or upset, people feel that too and will act accordingly.
From my perspective I say come from the heart. Come from a place of writing something that will help rather than hinder, write something that will add value rather than take it away, write something that lifts someone up rather than breaks them down. If you keep that in mind and write from that place, strange as it may seem, people can ‘feel’ that energy. And when you write from that place, those who have your back, even when they don’t agree with you can still support you.
9. Go into the nothingness
The picture below is the symbol that encapsulates the essence and ethos of Hawaiian Huna.
The triangle represents the dichotomy and duality of life. The premise is that when you can hold and embrace opposing views they they then collapse into one, which is the the peak/top of the triangle, and then go into the nothingness and the space that is the I’o. The I’o represents neutrality, peace, and openness. The I’o is said to be the spirit, the void, the causal sphere, and the place where Karma works and resides.
So go into the space, the space where everyone has their own individual or collective point of view and be more at peace with that. You are then less afraid of having a different perspective, alternative views are not a threat to a challenge to you or who you fundamentally are.
10. What if no one responds to your posts?
This is a question I get asked a lot, and people often comment on the amount of engagement I get on my Facebook posts. I remind them of the following:
- Some of my posts are tumbleweeds, and they just seemingly sit there gathering dust like Billy No Mates, with no comments and no likes.
- I don’t just write things to get likes, I often write as a form of expression, or because I think it’s useful or interesting information, or because I think it’s funny, or because it helps me to clear my own head and get clarity on my own thoughts.
- And this one was a BIG realisation for me. Even when it appears that no one is watching or reading or taking notice of what you say there are usually’ lurkers’ in background. They never ‘Like’ anything, they never comment on anything, but they are there, reading everything and taking note. How do I know this, because 9 times out of 10 when I am at a speaking engagement or a networking event, these people will come up to me and share how much they enjoy my posts and how inspiring or uplifting they find them. I even have people who barely use their own page but check mine on a daily basis to see what has been shared or get a bit of thought provoking content.
So, don’t let the lack of likes or engagement put you off because what you share might be just the thing that someone needs to hear in that moment.
11. Just Do It
And as I often say in my PhotoReading™ Workshops when people ask how often they should practice their PhotoReading or how much time they should put aside, my answer is don’t get caught up in all that, just take the Nike approach and Just Do It. Start with a few Tweets and practice filling those 134 characters with something authentic. When you outgrow that, elaborate on those authentic ideas and take them to your social media platform of choice. You will be surprised at just how fun and easy it is when you are coming from that place of authenticity and flow.
On that note, ‘Happy Writing’, and if you do feel inspired to write as a result of reading this Blog, do tag me in on your next post so that I can have a read of it as well.
And if you found this post useful, do feel free to like and share!
Warm regards,
Marilyn ♥
ABOUT MARILYN DEVONISH
Marilyn Devonish is a Freelance Magazine Writer, Keynote Speaker, Workshop Facilitator, Corporate Trainer, and increasingly Free Thinker.
She is also a Certified Trainer of NLP, Hypnosis, and Time Line Therapy, a Certified PhotoReading™ Instructor, Soul Plan Reader, Angel Tarot Card Reader, Archetypal Profiling Coach,and Life and Executive Coach. She is also a Practitioner of Hawaiian Huna, Access Bars, DNA Theta Healing, EFT, Positive EFT, Reiki, Energetic EFT, Access Consciousness, Past Life Regression, and Future Life Progression.
Marilyn works with both individuals and organisations in overcoming barriers and accelerating their performance.
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E-mail: marilyn@tranceformationsTM.com
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